It's crazy to think in less than 16 weeks we will be adding baby #4 (a boy) to our family. Truthfully, I'm in denial.
Don't misunderstand me. We are beyond thrilled to have another baby. I'm in love with newborns and feel an indescribable sense of sadness when my babies transition into toddlerhood. Perhaps this sadness comes because the independence they naturally start to crave means Mom (me) is no longer the #1 person in their little lives. Or, it could also be because toddlerhood and the accompanying tantrums mean chaos for me.
Either way, as I've watched Landon (now 2) start to enter into this toddlerhood phase, I'm sad for the little baby I have lost. He's been such an amazingly joyful little soul, and I have found such fulfillment from being his mother. So much of my attention has been on him the past few months as he's been making remarkable strides in his own development that I've had little time to ponder the fact that his baby role in the family will soon be replaced by his little brother.
Now, the fact of an approaching due date has hit me. I cannot live in denial any longer. I will soon be the mother of 4! (Four?!!) Four little precious spirits sent to earth from their Heavenly home to my home, with an expectation that they will be loved, cared for and taught truth. The more I think about the important role of motherhood, the more daunting it becomes. It is such a sacred trust, a special partnership with my husband and God. I am grateful that my Father in Heaven has blessed me with this amazing opportunity. I fall short of His expectations daily, but in the rare quiet moments of my day, as I have an opportunity to remember the joys of motherhood & the few things I do right, I know somehow He is still proud of me and my efforts. It makes me excited and nervous to contemplate becoming a mother all over again in just a few short months.
It's time to prepare for the new little one who will soon enlarge my heart all over again and help me to better understand our Father's love for us.
I am in denial no longer...