In Honor of Mother's Day...

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet In hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. ''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)

Note from Jen: We've all had mortifying motherhood experiences like this which ultimately lead us to appreciate our own mothers even more & cause us to realize the absolute joys of being a mother. I am so blessed to have two women in my life that I am privileged to call mom--the woman who housed my growing body for 9 months & has spent 33 years raising me and the amazing mother-in-law who has adopted me into her family and treats me as one of her own. I am so grateful for the life lessons each of them continue to teach me & the sacrifices they have made to be my "Mom". I love you both!

ELEVEN YEARS of MARRIAGE...

About time for some P.D.A.

Yes. P.D.A.-- Public Display of Affection. If P.D.A. makes you cringe, stop reading. NOW! (Don't say I didn't warn you...If you are still reading, then prepare for some major sap!) I'm not talking about the stopped dead in their tracks, oblivious to the fact they are in public kind of physical P.D.A., I'm talking about some good old-fashioned verbal P.D.A. (Although, I'll take the other kind of P.D.A. any day, too!)

Josh and I just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. Eleven years is a long time (although I must admit, the time has flown by). I don't tell him often enough how much he means to me, which leads me to this post. In honor of our 11th, here are E-L-E-V-E-N reasons I am so lucky to have Josh in my life.

1- He is a spiritual man who has always put God first, and by so doing, has been a worthy husband, father, neighbor and friend, always seeking to serve others, often at great personal sacrifice. His incredible spiritual wisdom and discernment has kept our relationship strong & our family on course.

2- He is a man of integrity. His beliefs and principles guide all that he does. He is honest & true to his commitments. "Stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I'd die first!" --Karl G. Maeser

3- He challenges me to be my best, while lovingly accepting my imperfections. He provides me with the closeness to feel loved, safe & secure, while giving me the freedom to explore my own interests so that I can grow and improve myself.

4- He is an amazing father, always making the children a priority in his life, taking care to let each one know individually that they are loved and cherised. Our children adore him. He brings an extra "something" to their lives that only he can bring.

5- He makes me laugh & smile like no other can. He can also laugh at himself, which is soooo important in this serious world we live in.

6- He knows how to have fun & finds joy in life (even when faced with personal challenges), but doesn't compromise his standards in the process. "Men are that they might have joy."

7- He's athletic and competitive, which keeps me on my toes! He enjoys staying active & fit. ( I think he's had plenty of broken bones to prove his desire to stay active. The next broken bone, better be your hip...and not until you're in your 90s.)

8-He is personable. His love for people and sincere desire to understand and appreciate everyone makes him well-loved by those who have the opportunity to know him.

9- He is amazing at juggling all of his roles and responsibilities, masterfully tackling all that is on his plate (job, church, family), while not losing site of what is most important & making everyone he deals with, feel appreciated and loved.

10- He is easy going & infectiously positive. He doesn't have time for pettiness, gossip, rudeness or fault finding. He is not easily offended & chooses to give people the benefit of the doubt & keep things light. That has blessed our marriage as he has also been so forgiving and understanding.

11- He is thoughtful, kind and helpful. As trite as those qualities may sound, I feel blessed everyday to be married to a man whose focus is not on himself. He is an equal partner in every way & is willing to take on so much to ease my load.

Happy Anniversary Josh! Here's to the next 11 wonderful years!

"Hamthrax" (a.k.a. "Swine Flu")

What's with this mass hysteria surrounding Swine Flu? Am I missing something? Is it any more dangerous than regular flu? I know there is not a vaccine for it...yet, but c'mon. When my 7 year old comes home from school saying, "Mom, I'm too young to die," I know the hysteria is out of control.